Hello people and atheiss. I am very pleased so many of you are readign my columbs, and I like hearing from you in my inbocks. You can email me any time for help and advice at my new address firstname.lastname@example.org. Please no porn because i can't turn off my parents family filter.
Anyway, today my columb is going to be about respict and what it means to me. I was sitting on the washing machine reading junior christian last night because my mom was doing a lode of jeans. When it started to spin, the lode got unbalanced like it does smoetimes when she puts too much in, and I had a pifany that was so strong I almost fell off the machine. my pifany was about respict. "R-E-S-P-I-C-T spells 'respict' ", God told me, and I knew exatcly what He meant. He wants me to know that it is very important to have respict for others' and there views if you are going to change people who believe wrong things. Like muslims, buddhas, and athiests. Muslims believe god is on a space god, and they wership thigns like the Sun and Moon. They also bomb buildings and busses and things. Buddhas believe that they are better than Gid, and they worskip statues with six arms and have rogasms that last up to eight hours. and Athiests are floowers of Satin who hate god and try to tear up families. It is important to understand and respict all these different views, because beeign respectfull of others who are deceived by Statin is the most important thing God teaches us is the Bliable.
Respict, as far as I'm concerned, has seven different parts. One part fore each letter the and all are ecwally imporant. Just like all the letters are important. It itakes all letters to spell respict,. If you leave out one, you get a defictive word like a retard or an atheiss is missing a part of their brain that makes them understand God.
R - R is for Reverence. it is importent to be reverent at all times until marriag.e Those who are not reverent face the risk of sexally transpitted diseases like herpes and vinyl. Wicked girls who are not reverent until they are married have to use tampoons to stop the bleeding which are god's tears crying for you. you will also be dumped by their husbands on their wedding night when he finds out you dont have a hymen and have been a slut. your hyman is a piece of Gid's heart; when you let a man put his winky in you before you are married, you break God's heart. that happened to my uncle with his first wife Melissa.she let him put his winky in her before they were married so on their wedding knight when he found out she wasn't a virgin, he got mad and got the church to anoll there marriage after there hunny moon. That is why I am gowing to be reverent until I get married.
E - E is for the everlasting life that Gid can profide only for his people. life on earth is short, but once you die, you go up to heaven and see god. if you believed in him and aren't on his naughty list, he opens his white robe takes you in and clutches you to his nakid boosom. no one knows what he looks like until they die but I think He is warm and hairy like my dad only bigger, I think, and with a beard. and I don't think he has a man thingy, becuase their icky. God probably looks alot like a Ken doll from the waist down i hope. Sometimes thinking about god holding me and rapping his robe around me forever and ever can give me a piffany when i'm nowhere near the dryer or washing maching. That is how powerfull god's love is for YOu. he can touch you anywhere wherever he wants as long as you don't tell.
S - S is for Singular. because smoe things we are able not to know but to see, the bigger or the smaller, the singluear not the plural are the only ones together with many but the one out of the many is important to the one whole with many parts that make it to be many or one. It is such a simple consept that I dont understand why buddhas and atheists dont' get it. That is why their retarded and hate Gid., but I respict that.
P - P is for piece. having respict for others means having piece not war. Did you know that we learned in sunday shcool every war in history has been started by either an atheist, a buddha or a muslim? And did you know that atheists, buddhas and muslims have actually KILLED poeple who don't agree with them? it's true; that is why they dont have respict and we won't have piece until we dont have any more of them. if you see an atheist muslim or buddha you should call an adult immediataly. it's hard to tell an atheiss from a Christian but muslims are easy to spot because they dress like the nome statues my mom puts on the lawn and they have darker skin than people.
I - I is for intelligence. Lots of people tell me i am very intelligent and have a big vocabulary; just like Keiko the gorilla. I thikn it is because i write so much and spend so much time thinkign on the dryer. I think if more people would stop to think during the day when thay have stress instead of rubbing their ginitils, the world would be alot more intelligent and full of respict for all christians. buddhas and moslims and girls in my class sometimes rub their ginitils to feel good, but that feeling they feel is actually Satin's hand moving their own. By masterbatign, you are invitign Stan into you're body and letting him make you his tool. DOn'T FALL FOR IT!!! The pleasure of God touching you is WAY BETTER then anything Satin does!!!
C - C is for communication. COmmunication between humans and ahtiests, muslims and buddhas is a two-way street. It takes two poeple to communicate; that is why the saying "there is no 'I' in communication" is so populer at my school./ sometimes it is hard to communicate with poeple who have different religions then your own, but as long as you keep telling them their wrong and are going to hell, it keeps diloge open and eventualy they realize you are right and stop talking.
In conclusion, respict is an idea that stretches farther to the west than californa and farter east than Maine. it stretches as far north as the bottom of canada and it goes a little bit south of texas into the top of mexico. every Christian has respect, and it is up to all christians who are called by Gid to teach other non-christians how to have respect like ours. THis is why I write; God wants me to tell you everythign he shares with me during my piffanys. I have to go now mom's doing a load of towels.
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