Being a Dad

By Michael Eagan
September 24, 2001

With all the horrifying images being broadcast across the television set every night Ė collapsing buildings, office workers plunging to their deaths, Will & Grace, New York firefighters sifting through the rubble of midtown Manhattan Ė itís easy to forget that this isnít just an adultís world.  As cable and network newscasts are gearing up to deliver 24-hour unedited coverage of the bloody campaign against the Taliban in Afghanistan, which Iím sure will be upsetting to viewers of all ages, I would like to urge everyone reading this Ė mothers, fathers, soldiers, members of the media Ė to stop for just a moment and think of the children.

There are estimated to be over 50 million Arab children in Afghanistan.  If during the coming campaign our military forces donít take proactive action to wipe them out, we could see most if not all of them grow up to be Arab adults.  Think about that for a moment:  50 million MORE Arabs!  When nineteen can bring down the two tallest buildings in the New York City skyline, I shudder to think about what 50 million more could do. 

Our government needs to target areas where Arab children congregate and organize; playgrounds, elementary schools, zoos, parks, Wal-Marts, are all good places to start.  But limited pinprick-style missile strikes will only prove mildly effective in the long run if we donít also step up our intelligence forces in these areas to infiltrate junior terrorist organizations and take them down from the inside.  We need to get into these childrenís circles, find out how they operate, how big their networks are and where theyíre getting their funding, and then take them out either with millions of bullets or one big bomb.

We have ignored the threat of Arab children for far too long in this country, and now we are paying the ultimate price.  Arab children are a fundamentally different species than Christian children.  Many are deliberately bred to harbor genetic terrorist instincts; there have been reported cases of Arab children hijacking their mothersí wombs and using them as bargaining leverage to make demands on foreign governments.  Iíve even seen these tendencies for myself. 

Not three days before the 9/11 attacks, I was attending my young son Isaiah at the local park over the weekend.  He was on the seesaw, playing by himself as usual as he is home schooled and doesnít have many friends, and sure enough, a little middle-eastern girl came over to him and attempted to hijack the other side.  Now, I know itís illegal to spank children that arenít your own, but I follow Godís law first and foremost.  Her parents were nowhere in sight, so I took her over my knee and gave her a spanking right then and there. 

I know itís a small act, but I like to think I at least made a different in one childís life.  Perhaps I put her on the right course and prevented another terrorist attack 20 years down the road.  Weíll never know for sure, but if everyone out there would also do their part to think of the children and the evil they could be capable of, our own children will inherit a world that is kinder, safer, and more Christian than the world of today.  Parents, I urge you:  You CAN make a difference.

I also want to use this story to remind everyone that this threat doesnít come just from Afghanistan.  Many children of middle-eastern descent are already right here in the United States.  These children can be difficult to spot in a crowd, but if you keep an eye out for the telltale turbans, long black beards, and slightly darker than normal skin tone, youíll be on the right track.  And always be suspicious of young girls who donít show their facesÖwhat are they trying to hide?  Bombs, most likely.  I have told my daughter Kimmi in no uncertain terms that she is not to associate with any towel heads.  I donít even allow my daughter or my wife to wear towels on their own heads after showers because I think itís blasphemous.

In light of these tragic attacks, President Bush has vowed to rid the world of evil.  This should take about six to eight months.  By the end of the campaign, Afghanistan will be no more than a giant parking lot for American strip malls, fast food restaurants, and churches, and weíll all sleep just a little bit better knowing many thousands, if not millions of Arabs are burning in Hell.


Previous columns by this author:

divisiontwo main page

*This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

Notice: this site (Division Two magazine) was restored from its original location by Shlomi Fish, as he found it amusing. He hosts it on his domain and maintains information about it on his home site. Shlomi Fish is not responsible for its contents of