Meet Mary Claire

November 3, 1999


Hello everyone.  I hope you are all doing as well as you can with your simple minds and mediocre bodies.  This week was rather exciting.  John, and me broke up twice, once on Thursday and once on Saturday.  He is so angry that I won't kiss him yet, but it's only been like 6 months and honestly, I made that mistake with my ex.  Kissed him once and then he thought he could get it all the time. Whatever. Mary Claire ain't Burger King.

One time, when I was ten, I pushed a 6 year old on a big wheel underneath a car and he got ran over.  Then when his mom asked me if I really did it, I said "Of course not.  Would I do a thing like that?" and then I batted her boobs and she believed me.  The little boy was just taken off of life support last week.  He was a vegetable for 9 years, his father committed suicide because of it and his mom is in the institution.  One time I told my friend, Kathy, the story and she said I was crazy for not feeling tremendous guilt.  The next day in school I smeared pig's blood all over her and forced her to walk down the halls chanting "Now I shall walk like the pig I am".   I told her if she ever told anyone what I had done or quit being my friend, I would murder her and her family.  Kathy and I are good friends to this day, in fact tonight we are attending the ballet "Swan Lake".  I hope I see lots of big dicks.

Have you ever wondered how people can drink and do drugs and fuck everything that walks and still seem to be able to achieve wonderful grades, get married and have happy lives with lots of money?  My mom says I should because those people are having fun and not psychos but I don't think that's it because I am the happiest person ever.  Why wouldn't I be?  I AM PRETTY, I AM SMART, EVERYONE LOVES ME, AND I AM RICH!!!!!!!!  I want to die.  Yesterday I went to this huge sale at AmberCrombie &Fitch and it was so cool.  I got so many cloths that they couldn't even all fit in my brand new JETTA!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think it is funny when poor people have to ride bikes or drive Corsicas and Geos.  But in a way it makes me happy because I am better them all of them and they deserve to have to walk home at night in the ghetto and end up being raped repeatedly and then chopped up into tiny pieces and thrown away like they never existed.  I AM SURE that every poor person had some opportunity to go to school or get a good paying job slaughtering livestock and could have bettered themselves.  It their fault if they get attacked and they deserve everything they get.  I think police should only protect people that I say they can and that would only be me and Xena and the rest of you would die. Hahahahahahahaha!  Today the school paper interviewed me about my being captain of the "Joy Club".  I hope everyone sees it and is envious of me.  Why are you envious of me?  Because I am the best.  Why can you never be the best? Because striving to be like me is like running in a pool of honey.  Just when you think you've got it, Mary Claire the bee stings you and you die. I am so perfect in every way, I have decided that I will now begin offering advice to anyone who is having problems coping with college life.  Just write in and I will let you know my secrets on being a goddess and your life will improve dramatically. 


(divisiontwo makes no guarantees as to the sanity of Mairy Claire.)

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