On Sports
With Paul Tarkinton

September 23, 1999

Woah! What a week! The Colts beat the Bucks 12-4 in the 4th, which was nothing compared to the Reds beating the Jigaboos 7-6 in the 10th! The Spics pulled out an upset victory against the Fags, while the Niggs continued their undefeated streak by crushing the Tards 21-0. One word: WOW! If it hadn't been for Bo Cormikson's super playing toward the end of the 6th, the Niggs might have actually lost and the season would've been completely fucked.

Other scores this week:

Men's Football: 10 - 7
Women's Football: -
Men's Tennis: 4 - 3
Men's Soccer: 12 - 10
Women's Naked Rugby: 15 - 8
Women's Naked Tit Wrestling: 62 - 54

divisontwo's Player of the Week is:

Bo Cormikson of the Oakland Niggs!

Way to go, Bo!

Highlights of the games this week include: A catch in the 5th by J.C. Tomkins, that out-of-nowhere home run in the 8th by Miguel Marin, that basket from half court in the game agaist the Japs, and that double under bogie par on the 18th hole by "Tony the Black Ghetto Tiger" Woods.

Sports News: Insiders are saying that Michael Jordan may have retired. I can't confirm or deny this rumor, but I'll have more on this story as I research it further.

College Sports Weekly: Columbus College star football quarterback Rick Brandt has admitted to raping and murdering three female students during a two-week-long drug and alcohol binge. College athletic officials say he will be placed on "loose probation" for the remainder of the season.

High School Prep Athlete of the Week:

Kyle Langdon

Way to go, Kyle!

More scores:

Men's Jai-Ali: 12
Men's Curling: 19
Men's Cockfighting: 87
Women's Cockfighting: 0
Men's Hardfucking: 12
Women's Hardfucking: 0
Men's Upside-Down Boxing: 34
Women's Deep-Sea Synchronized Sandwich Making: 44

Men's Belching: 834
Women's Bitching: 9,421,923

divisiontwo's Hidden-Camera Locker Room Pic of the Week:

The Bethesda Tards, after having lost 21 - 0 to the Oakland Niggs.

This has been divisiontwo's On Sports with Paul Tarkinton. I hope you found it as satisfying as I did.

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