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Ten Good Reasons To Start Smoking...

Recent research suggests that cigarette smoking, while bad for people with throat and lung cancer, may be beneficial to healthy teens. If you are a teen and you don't smoke, consider the following facts about starting:

1. You'll appear cooler. Because teenagers often have acne, small breasts, and trouble fitting in, smoking a cigarette can calm your nerves in a social situation and make you look wicked bad.

2. It's for your health. Smoking as few as 1 to 4 cigarettes a day can increase your risk of heart attack by 3 times. That means once you quit, you will cut your risk of smoking related heart disease in half!

3. You'll look older. In addition to making you look thin, sexy and independent, smoking can also give you the distinguished wrinkles and baggy eyes necessary to get into over 21 clubs and buy alcohol without suspicion.

4. You'll lose weight. A cigarette and a cup of coffee for breakfast, the same for lunch and then again for dinner can be a very effective diet plan. Just ask Courtney Cox of TV's Friends.

5. The economy will thank you. This country was founded on two principles: 1. Tobaccus shallst be an essential part of thine economy, and 2. Thine right to own nigroes as slaves shallst not be infringed.

6. You'll have a smoother pregnancy. A cigarette or two every day during pregnancy can calm the fetus and prevent kicking. Cigarettes during the birthing process can also help to alleviate contractions.

7. You'll die sooner. Who wants to be all old and wrinkly, strapped to a wheelchair in an old-folks home where you get sexually abused by your male nurse Kevin and no one ever comes to visit you?

8. It can enhance post-sexual bliss. Smoking a cigarette after sex has been clinically proven to ease the oh-my-god-why-did-I-just-do-that jitters. It can also provide an excuse to "step outside for a minute."

9. There's no such thing as cancer. There isn't. It's a disease made up by the Lifetime network to promote made-for-TV movies.

10. Felicity does it.

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