A CHRISTMAS STORY
I didn't write this story, it was emailed to me by a forty-year-old guy I met in a chatroom on AOL. I thought it was sweet so I'll pass it along to you. If you like it, go ahead and send it to a friend to spread some holiday cheer.
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A little boy just 10 years old was standing before a candy store on Broadway on a chilly winter's day about a week before Christmas. He was barefooted, peering through the window and shivering, his penis and scrotum on permanent retreat from the cold.
A classy lady in six-inch stylettos, a pink miniskirt and a white rabbit fur boa approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that yon window?"
"I was asking God to give me a piece of candy!" replied the little boy. "I am so very hungry!"
"Where is your mommy and daddy?" asked the classy lady, looking over her shoulder nervously.
"My mommy and daddy abandoned me years ago," the boy responded.
Hearing that sad news, the lady quickly took the little boy by the hand and went into the candy store.
Inside, she asked the sales clerk to get some candy for the little orphan boy, whom she affectionately referred to as "undocumented and firm". The clerk gave her a knowing wink and a nod.
She then asked if he could give her a basin of ice water, some rubbing alcohol and a towel. The clerk quickly brought the items to her, asking no questions of the classy lady.
She took the little boy to the back of the store and knelt down beside him, removing his tattered shirt and worn pants, undressing him completely.
The classy lady washed his little feet, his chest, his back, paying careful attention to his pert, young buttocks and his dirty little penis, and dried him with a crusty yellow towel that stung the boy's nostrils with the scent of urine.
By this time the clerk returned with a box labelled "special candy". The clerk smiled at the little naked boy, shivering and helpless, and opened the box. Inside were black leather socks, collars and buttless chaps, studded with glimmering rhinestones. The boy had never seen anything so shiny and beautiful.
"Is that for me?" the boy asked hopefully.
"Oh yes," the nice clerk said with a wide grin.
The clerk placed a pair of leather socks upon the boy's feet. The classy lady fitted the chaps around the boy's waste and fastened his left ankle to a chain bolted to the wall. Finally, she fitted him for a shiny collar.
Now that he was dressed in fine, new clothes, the clerk took a camera from one of the shelves and began to snap special Christmas photos of the boy and the classy lady. The boy felt like the most lucky person in the entire world; he always wanted a family Chistmas photo like the ones he saw in stores, but his family had been too poor to afford one.
When the clerk finised, the classy lady stood up, put her skirt and top back on and patted the boy on the head, saying, "No doubt, my little fellow, you'll make some old rich bachelor a fine houseboy!"
As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, asked the kind, classy lady, "Are you God's wife?"
"Yes," she said, lighting a cigarette, "and that clerk there, he's your new daddy. Merry Christmas, little one."
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Hopefully, this is the kind of generous thing that happens frequently during this season of good will. It warms my heart to know that the poor, hungry little orphan boy found a new family for Christmas. I hope you enjoyed it more than my teacher did. When I showed it to her she called my parents and made me go talk to the counsellor every day for a month, probably because she's a Jew.
Pass this on to all of your friends!
May you open your heart during this Christmas season...
AND EVERY SEASON!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL FROM DIVISIONTWO
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Notice: this site (Division Two magazine) was restored from its original location by Shlomi Fish, as he found it amusing. He hosts it on his domain and maintains information about it on his home site. Shlomi Fish is not responsible for its contents of divisiontwo.shlomifish.org.