Jokes for Guys
by Derrik Norton
If there's one thing guys love to do, it's fuck. But sometimes there's no woman around and not enough beer to get it on with your buddies and pretend like you didn't remember, so in that case, guys love to tell jokes. Divisiontwo is always filled with such serious, heavy content, I thought that today it would be cool if I could put together a list of all the jokes that us at the divisiontwo Boys' Club really get a kick out of. So grab a beer, sit back and have a good laugh on us. You've earned it, buddy.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hymen
Hymen who?
Hymen your vaginer!
What did one camel say to the other camel?
I've got a hunch!
Why does Hellen Keller only masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.
Why can't Dolly Pardon run?
Her boobs are too big and it hurts her.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three; one to change it, one to get you a beer from the fridge, and one to blow you until the second one gets back with the beer.
How many reasons do women need to give you what you want?
All five.
What's the best way to get a woman into the sack?
Club her over the head and stuff her inside.
Is it true that a woman in the U.S. gets raped every 14 seconds?
Yes, and that woman never gets any housework done.
Why aren't women good at math?
They've been told that this is 8-inches for their entire lives. (I guess you had to be there.)
Why doesn't a good woman nag and bitch all the time?
It's hard for her to talk with your cock in her mouth.
Why do women have smaller hands than men?
So they have to use both.
What do women like to do when men aren't around?
Cook and clean and play with Barbies.
Why is your hand better than a woman?
You don't have to buy your hand dinner or six drinks to get it in the mood.
Why does a woman gain weight after having kids?
Because you're not working her hard enough.
After giving birth, why don't women eat the placenta like cats do?
Because you didn't pay for it.
Why do women always want to talk about their emotions?
Because they feel more than just pain and orgasm.
Why do women go on and on about how attractive movie stars are?
It's their way of saying "go fuck yourself with a rough stick and then lick it clean."
Why are so many women unfaithful?
Because their husbands forget to lock the gate when they leave for work.
Where does a 100-pound woman sleep?
Wherever you tell her.
Why did the woman cross the road?
There was a vibrator on the other side and it had fresh batteries.
Why don't some women like giving blowjobs?
They're fuckin' bitches, that's why.
Why did my girlfriend dump me?
Because she's an ugly whore.
What did I do with her dog after I killed it?
I buried it in the yard behind my house.
What trumps a restraining order?
A mask and a knife.