SXE - The Straight-Edge Monthly
By Nathan Joinick
Let me set some of you motherfuckers straight. It seems like a lot of people out there who don't know about the movement see a bunch of young guys with shaved heads stomping the shit out of some kid in the middle of the sidewalk and then jump to the completely wrong conclusion that we're skinheads. That is so fucking off I don't know where to begin. First of all, SXE isn't about race, it's about keeping your mind and body clean and free of pleasurable substances like drugs. I shouldn't even have to fucking explain this but it's like when some cop sees me and my boys beating up some mexican, they think we're doing it because he's mexican, when we're really doing it because he was talking fast and incoherently, making us think he might have been on coke. We didn't fucking know till after we were being detained and questioned by a bunch of fucking cops that he was actually speaking Spanish. How the fuck were we supposed to know? Personally I don't care if a guy is black, white, red, yellow or purple as long as he isn't killing his body with drugs and alcohol. Those stupid motherfuckers that do this deserve to be stomped to within an inch of their life. The SXE fucking hates racists and we stomp them too. Our movement is about tolerance and acceptance and helping others find a cleaner way to live, not about hating someone because they're fucking different than us. We dish out SXE justice to everyone in equal portions.
So when it's all said and done me and my boys get 200 hours of community service for putting that mexican guy in a coma. It's not our fucking fault he seemed like he was on coke. What were we supposed to do, have him piss in a fucking cup, take it back to our lab, analyze the fucking sample and then come back and kick his ass if the results were positive? He would be long gone by then! In the SXE, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of fucking cure. Sometimes innocent people get stomped, like that kid who we thought was putting a wad of Skoal in his mouth which turned out to be some fucking Bubble Tape, but that's bound to happen with any type of law enforcement agency. I think most people recognize that it's better that one or two innocent guys get their fucking teeth kicked in than 200 fucking drug users and drunks get to do whatever they want in the privacy of their own homes. Plus it's good fucking practice for my crew and keeps our skills up and our bodies in shape. The SXE straight edge is all about keeping your body as healthy as your brian.
So just because we have shaved heads, wear steel-toed fucking boots, and have x's all over our body we're supposed to be some racist cult group? What the fuck? If our movement is about fairness and tolerance, we can't discriminate whose asses we kick based on race. There are more fucking important things than race, like who eats meat and who doesn't. Are we ONLY supposed to beat up the white kids? That's not fucking fair. The SXE has a duty to be drug-free role models to all kids and to protect them from drugs and alcohol and meat products. We wouldn't be very good role models if we snuffed out some white guy's cigarette in his eye while we let some black guy walk right past us with a pack of smokes in his pocket and did nothing. I'm tired of these fucking "hate crimes". When we grabbed that Indian girl that had a marijuana leaf on her t-shirt and burned SXE into her arm with a blow torch and a hot coat hanger, it wasn't about hate, it was about love. We were protecting her from herself; it's just fucking sick to abuse your body with weed. So why don't the fucking cops call them "love crimes" and give us medals and awards instead of making us pick up fucking garbage next to the fucking highway and scrape graffiti off the fucking bridges? My SXE boys already provide a community service, so we shouldn't be fucking saddled with having to do even more. So she was from fucking Canada. Big fucking deal. I suppose we should have taken out our fucking Encyclopedia Britannicas and compared a pot leaf to the fucking Canadian flag just to be sure. Whatever. So we were fucking wrong. At least she'll be a walking billboard for the SXE movement for the rest of her life thanks to us, so we did her a favor.
Nothing we straight edgers do has anything to do with race, nationality or religion. When we trashed that black-owned leather shop downtown, we were doing it because it's fucking wrong to kill animals for fucking clothing and because we heard fags might shop there. It wasn't a fucking hate crime. We didn't know or care that it was black-owned and so the fuck what if it was all naugahyde? Naugas are animals too.
When we drove that stolen truck into the side of Zendeja's Mexican Restaurant, we were doing it because almost everything they serve comes from a dead animal or at least a caged one. We were trying to make a statement about recognizing the fundamental rights of all of God's creatures. It's poetic justice that some guy happened to lose a leg because of it. He shouldn't have been eating there to begin with. That he happened to be middle eastern was just a coincidental bonus.
I'm planning to use my position as leader of my local Salt Lake City SXE crew and pillar of the fucking community to push that we repeal these moronic "hate crime" laws in Utah that just end up punishing straight-edgers who are trying to do something good. I have to spend the next 30 fucking days in jail for breaking some punk nine year old's arm, so I'll see you next month with more news from the Straight Edge capitol in Salt Lake City.
Previous SXE Straight Edge Columns:
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