/ask armelda/December1999

Armelda Simone is divisiontwo's in-house teen advice columnist. New advice is posted as it is received. Send your questions directly to Armelda at askarmelda@divisiontwo.com

Yes, tongue studs are painful, so are nose rings and belly-button rings. I'm afraid there's no way to make it hurt less; under current laws piercing parlors aren't allowed to administer anesthesia like they should be. If you're getting the tongue stud to enhance oral sex, as you probably are, might I suggest a clit ring instead? A clit ring can be great to play with during sex, and as for the piercing itself, you won't even feel it, because there are no nerve endings in the clitoris.

Hope this helps,

-Armelda

-Dan

-Armelda

I'm ten and my boyfiends 32. He's also my stepdad. One of my fiends Jane says it's wrong and gross, but I don't believe her. Is she write?

Annie Miller

God bless,

-Armelda

Sometimes my penis gets hard in class and I have to hunch over in my desk. It's okay except at the end of class when I have to stand up or when the teacher calls me to the board. How can I stop getting erections for no reason?

-Troubled

-Armelda

When are my boobs going to grow? I'm thirteen and they haven't even started yet. Cynthia is already a C-cup. Am I normal?

Mindy Okshoen 

If breasts haven't started to come in by the time a girl reaches thirteen, chances are they never will. That isn't to say your situation can't be helped through medical technology, however. Hormone replacement therapy can help to stimulate breast growth, as can electro-stim treatments. You can jimmy up a device by stripping the cord from a lamp, exposing the wires and fastening them to two small metal disks, such as Snapple lids or something similar. Tape the disks to your chest, and plug the other end of the cord into the wall. If you haven't noticed any breast development after twenty minutes, disconnect before the flesh gets too thoroughly burnt and consider that perhaps it's time to consult a doctor about breast augmentation surgery. Or maybe you're a boy; have you thought of that?

Good luck!

-Tiffy

Cops always like it a little on the rough side, that just comes with the territory when you decide to date one. That's why I'll never take more than one cop at a time. In general, though, it's been my experience that telling a guy "no" doesn't work...to male ears, which can't hear anything above 1200hz, it sounds an awful lot like "yes." Instead of saying "no" or "don't" next time, try screaming out your dog's name or the name of his mother. This technique has gotten me out of quite a few uncomfortable sexual encounters and I'm sure it'll work for you.

-Armelda

I run track, and every time I get done with a race I get terrible stomach cramps and I throw up, and it's black. This happens whether or not I ate anything before running. Should I tell my mom and my coach about this?

Shawna

Vomiting black is normal when you run long distances. I remember when I tried to run track in high school, I would cough until I puked. Finally I coughed up a cigarette butt and I realized sports weren't my thing.

And no, don't tell your mom or your coach, they'll accuse you of being bulimic and they'll make you stop seeing your boyfriend. I've been down that road, and it's no fun at all.

-Armelda

-Lisa P.

Welcome to college, and quit being such a prude. You sound just like my roommate freshman year.

-Armelda

The average height of an 18-year-old American male is 5'11". As for whether it matters, I do prefer that a guy be a little taller than I am so that when I wear heals it doesn't look like I'm out with my little brother.

-Armelda

If you weigh 75 pounds and you look in the mirror and see "fat", you're probably really seeing bones and muscle tissue. To get rid of the muscle tissue, simply drink less water. To get rid of knob-like bones and protrusions, avoid calcium and phosphorous.

Good luck with your diet!

-Armelda

Armelda,

It hurts when I pee.

Mark A.

Dear Mark,

I assume you mean emotionally. And I understand what you're going through. When I was a little girl I cried every time I flushed the toilet. It felt like losing a friend.

You'll grow out of it. I hardly ever cry when I use the bathroom anymore.

-Armelda

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