Spririt Of Christ Church
- December 6, 1999: Any person or persons with information as to who left a quarter bag of marijuana, a bong and rolling papers in the bottom drawer of Father Yuli's desk is asked to contect the Oakton authorities ASAP.
- December 7, 1999: Items collected in the lost and found during the month of November will be auctioned off on eBay if not claimed by 10:00pm tonight.
- December 10, 1999: Give the gift of giving this year! Let your loved ones know you care by giving them a certificate verifying a $10 charitible donation made in their names to Shell Oil, our parent company.
- December 11, 1999: Anyone interested in participating in Spirit of Christ Church's second annual Operation Spirit should meet outside the main doors at 11:30pm. Participants in Operation Spirit spread the word of Jesus by visiting local Jewish churches and replacing Hanukkah decorations with manger scenes.
- December 12, 1999: Christmas Pageant cast members are required to attend this evening's 7:00pm dress rehearsal for Cabaret by John Van Druten. Full costuming and make-up is a must.
- December 13, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church Women's Group meets at 8:00pm in the basement office. Topic of discussion: Prescription drugs and how they can enhance housework.
- December 15, 1999: Toys for Christian Tots begins! All Spirit of Christ Church members are encouraged to bring wrapped, unopened presents to Father Yuli any time before December 22. NO KITTENS OR HAMSTERS! Dead animals do not brighten the holidays of a needy child. No loaded weapons either, please. Little Timmy Thompson has just completed his eighth reconstructive surgery on the Church's dime, and we don't need any more of that.
- December 16, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church Men's Group meets tonight at 8:00pm in the basement office: Topic of discussion: Letting your homosexual son know he is a disappointment.
- December 18, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church Youth Group meets tonight at 7:00pm in the basement office. Topic of discussion: What to do if you think your friend might be an atheist.
- December 19, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church welcomes guest speaker Berry Rowels from 1:00pm to 4:00pm in the main chapel. Lecture will focus on understanding and accepting differences between minorities and regular people. Testimonials of people who have encountered minorities will be included.
- December 20, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church Christmas Pageant begins at 7:30pm! Regular price tickets for Cabaret by John Van Druten cost $2.50 and will be sold at the door. Seniors and children under 12 can purchase tickets for $1.50 with proof of age. Virgins over 18 admitted free, pending inspection by Father Yuli.
- December 21, 1999: Father Yuli will not be in today.
- December 23, 1999: Youth Caroling Night! All Spirit of Christ Church members under 18 who wish to go caroling are invited to meet outside the main doors at 7:00pm. Carols for this year will be selected from the 1992 album "Nevermind" by Nirvana and the 1993 album "Christmas Hits from the Bong" by Cypress Hill.
- December 24, 1999: Christmas Eve. Be sure to tuck the kiddies in early tonight, so Jesus can come down the chimney with their presents!
- December 27, 1999: Spirit of Christ Book Club meets tonight at 7:30pm in the basement office. Discussion will be postponed until after the burning.
- December 28, 1999: Spirit of Christ Church members willing to help decorate the chapel for Christmas and trim the parish tree should come any time between 12:00pm and 5:00pm.
- December 30, 1999: Don't die a virgin! Spirit of Christ Church Member Danny Welbrock invites girls who wish to lose their virginity before the Rapture to visit him at his home tonight and tomorrow during the day.
- December 31, 1999: Last day of Spirit of Christ Church shotgun, canned goods and generator sale.
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