• Retired on Thursday, February 3, 2005
Hearth & Homeland -- How Sanyo's new "Pocket Snitch" phone will fight terrorism and protect your children.

Children's Advocate -- Scurvy the Clown writes about her experiences helping children overcome prejudice.

Technology Insider -- A Linux Distribution for Barbie?

News Burst! -- RIAA snares popular female musician, deceased man, three-legged kitten in piracy dragnet.

Jorge Lopez -- Windows vs. Linux on the Server and the Desktop.

A Guy's View -- Girls are mysterious creatures.

SxE Straight Edge -- Let me set some of you motherfuckers straight.

You've Got Features!
-- New version of AOL software coming to a mailbox near you.

Kelly's World
-- Gifted web designer Kelly shows off her slick pages.

Finding the Light -- Eleven-year-old evangelist Amanda Whitton tackles issues of faith.

Modern Parenting -- Maureen Jambor on preparing a gay toddler for public school.

Career & Family
-- Chastity Lillicreme on teenagers and drugs.

Officer Dan
-- Music piracy will not be tolerated.

Open Letter
-- RIAA President Hillary Rosen declares war on music fans.

Ask Armelda -- Armelda Simone's last teen advice column for DivisionTwo before her fatal heroin overdose.

Anne` Explains It All -- Creating your own "mental box".

Being a Dad
-- Michael Eagan on trash TV.

  • Retired on Wednesday, February 2, 2005
Part-Time Mom -- In the age of SUVs, should small cars still be allowed on the road?
  • Retired on Tuesday, February 1, 2005
TechNews -- USBlast.D worm wreaks havoc on United States Postal Service.
  • Retired on Thursday, October 16, 2003

    ONTV -- Elijah Wood to host a new Food Network cooking show.

  • Retired on Thursday, October 9, 2003

    Off The Press -- House of Representatives approves the death penalty for hackers.

  • Retired on Wednesday, October 8, 2003

    Your Health -- Henna Armbruster and Johnnycat offer a balanced perspective on the recent West Nile scare.

  • Retired on Monday, October 6, 2003

    Washington Insider -- President Bush warns America that another terrorist attack is likely to occur in an undetermined place at some point in the future.

  • Retired on Friday, October 3, 2003

Tech Talk - Windows No, the next big thing from Microsoft?

  • Retired on Thursday, October 2, 2003

NewsBurst! - One Child Dead, 3 Wounded in Daycare Piracy Raid.

  • Retired on Sunday, August 25, 2002

    Back to School -- Illinois students use the Internet to communicate with Chinese hive-mind.

    Cultural Awareness -- Fighting the cultural destruction of Latin America.

    You & Your Kids -- Raising a gay toddler in a heterosexual world.

    Children's Advocate -- Scurvy the Clown speaks out on child abuse.

    Dollar Theater Movie Reviews -- Movie reviews for budget-conscious filmgoers.

    Feature Story -- CBS sues Texas woman who didn't watch "Survivor".

    Gay News -- Cucumber found in dormitory shower; lesbian activity suspected.

    College News -- Bowdoin College closes its doors to Greeks.

    Tech News & Tips -- The story of how two little kids with one big idea changed the way America does the web.

    NewsBurst! -- Metallica gears up for a new fight against underage drinking and loud music.

    Junior Fiction -- By court order, divisiontwo now provides a forum for young aspiring writers to showcase their work.

    SXE Straight Edge -- Five basic principles key to the Straight Edge lifestyle.

    Ten Good Reasons to Start Smoking -- Recent research indicates smoking may be beneficial for healthy teens.

    Kelly's World -- Kelly's World of love and friendship!

    Bizz Buzz -- Former Wall Street insider Ted McOwens tells you how to get rich quick!

    Meet Mary Claire -- Mary Claire writes on what it's like being a freshman in college when you're pretty and popular.

    Masculinity and the New Millennium -- divisiontwo writer Kody Fitzpatrick talks about gender roles and the media.

    Q&A on cars with divisiontwo ex-Nascar driver Michael Hunt.

    Jokes for Guys -- A list of jokes you can tell your buddies when the lesbos and femi-nazis aren't around.

    Guys' Pharmacy -- Does Rohypnol live up to the hype?

    Guys' Handbook 2000 -- Seventy-five rules all guys must follow.

    Women's Rights -- Jocko argues that women should have the right to go topless in public.

    Cooking for One -- Healthy eating for the single woman.

    Thoughts & Reflections -- 84-year-old Ruth Hasselbrook wonders why women do the things they do.

    Life After Forty -- A woman's life doesn't legally have to end at the age of forty. Here's how to make the best of your last years on Earth.

    Female Troubles -- Armelda Simone vents the trials and tribulations of being a single girl in the city.

    Xtian News -- How the Religious Right is punching holes in evilution.

    A Daily Prayer -- A prayer you can say every morning.

    Moral Compass -- Reverend E. Thomas Eugene writes on the spiritual and moral degeneration of America.

    An Open Letter From God -- God urges readers to help clean up the environment.

    Community Calendar -- Oakton, Nebraska's Spirit Of Christ Church Community Calendar is now online for the month of December!

    MacSide -- Apple introduces a line of iBooks For Him.

    Public Service -- View the uncopyrighted divisiontwo public service print ad of the week. Free for non-profit use.

    [Out of Character] -- A completely self-indulgent moment for me.

    Maximum Burst -- Butch Powers shares tips and tricks for men on how to burn fat, build muscle and shape an effective workout routine.

    Ask The OB/GYN -- Dr. Sebastian Coleman's Q&A section on feminine health. No question is too personal.

    Women in History -- Historian C. P. Sutterman spotlights the sometimes overlooked contributions of women in American History.


  • Retired on Monday, September 24, 2001

    Being a Dad - Michael Eagan weighs Christian faith against modern medicine.


  • Retired on Wednesday, October 5, 2000

    Public Service -- View the divisiontwo public service print ad of the week.


  • Retired on Sunday, October 1, 2000

    College News -- Bowdoin College closes its doors to Greeks.


  • Retired on Thursday, September 28, 2000

    Ten Good Reasons to Start Smoking -- Recent research indicates smoking may be beneficial for healthy teens.


  • Retired on Tuesday, September 26, 2000

    Tech News & Tips - The story of how two little kids with one big idea changed the way America does the web.


  • Retired on Sunday, September 24, 2000

    Being A Dad - Teaching your children about sex.


  • Retired on Friday, September 22, 2000

    A Guy's View -- Dating tips.


  • Retired on Wednesday, September 20, 2000

    Anne` Explains It All -- All Hollow's Eve.

    To Our Readers -- What did divisiontwo do on vacation?


  • Retired on Tuesday, September 19, 2000

    On TV -- "Frasier" season finale bends "Millionaire" over and fucks it in the ass.


  • Retired on Monday, September 18, 2000

    JoJo's Celebrity Gossip -- Spokesman reports comedian Richard Pryor is only 90% dead.

    Feature Story -- Blood on the funny pages and a community in shock; the Garfield controversy.


  • Retired on Thursday, September 14, 2000

Music Scene -- Savage Garden re-invents pop music with a bold new song about love.

  • Retired on Monday, August 8, 2000

    Hot Off The Press -- Burger King changes business plan, slogan for 2000; Mars Polar Lander astronauts doomed; Rosie takes aim.

  • Retired on Thursday, June 13, 2000

    Talking About Sex with a Partner -- Make your next sexual experience as satisfying as a meal at Denny's.

  • Retired on Wednesday, June 7, 2000

    Ask Armelda - Teen Advice Q&A for the month of December. (Yeah, yeah, so I've been slacking a little.)

    SXE Straight Edge - Raven separates myth from reality regarding the youth movement known as Straight Edge.

  • Retired on Thursday, June 6, 2000

    The Future and Beyond - divisiontwo takes a hard, penetrating look at life in the new millennium.

  • Retired on Friday, May 26, 2000

    Body & Soul - Self-discovery doesn't have to involve squatting over a hand mirror.

  • Retired on Thursday, May 25, 2000

    On TV - NBC set to make history with a ground-breaking sitcom about gender role reversal.

  • Retired on Friday, May 12, 2000

    NewsBurst! - Low-budget Vista Airlines comes under federal investigation.

  • Retired on Sunday, May 7, 2000

    Career & Family - What to do with a stressed-out child.

    Tech News & Tips - Yokitaki Sakamura makes setting up a webcam easy and fun.

  • Retired on Tuesday, January 4, 2000

    Linux Beat - Windows myths exposed!

  • Retired on Monday, January 3, 2000

    A Christmas Story - Season's greetings from divisiontwo!

  • Retired on Wednesday, December 29, 1999

    True Life Story - "My Girlfriend Made Me Hit Her."

  • Retired on Monday, December 27, 1999

    Career & Family - Chastity Lillicreme helps parents alleviate children's irrational fears.

  • Retired on Monday, December 13, 1999

    Ask Armelda - Teen Q&A for the month of November.

  • Retired on Saturday, December 11, 1999

    Career & Family - Telling your children about the '80s.

    Poetry Barn - divisiontwo's favorite classic poetry.

    Rant! - Teen Rant! columnist Mark Kenner takes on Herpes, Tech Vests, Christians, and Snapple.

  • Retired on Friday, December 10, 1999

    Hot Off The Press - November 24, 1999: U.S. minorities to be declared legally disabled; The Onion may not be a reliable news source; Ohio lines up at the Microsoft intant cash machine

  • Retired on Thursday, December 9, 1999

    divisiontwo Public Service Print Ad of the Week - Scientology

  • Retired on Wednesday, December 8, 1999

    Officer Dan - Are nerds with guns making schools unsafe for jocks and bullies?

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - November 21 - 27, 1999

  • Retired on Tuesday, December 7, 1999

    Feature Story - West Virginia's Homoerotic Military Academy may be forced to open its doors to women.

    Spirit of Christ Church Community Calendar - November, 1999.

  • Retired on Sunday, December 5, 1999

    Being a Dad - More creative ways to beat your kids.

  • Retired on Monday, November 29, 1999

    Gay News - Special rights on the homosexual agenda.

  • Retired on Friday, November 26, 1999

    MacSide - iMac Reborn!

  • Retired on Thursday, November 25, 1999

    JoJo's Celebrity Gossip - Is the Academy Awards becoming more PC?

  • Retired on Wendnesday, November 24, 1999

    Hot Off The Press - November 4, 1999 - Clinton says youth feeling more unsafe at schools; Scientist knows word you don't; Congress gets a hard-on for "Iron Giant"

  • Retired on Monday, November 22, 1999

    Guy Makeovers -- Matt, Carson and Kyle get totally new looks!

  • Retired on Sunday, November 21, 1999

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - November 7 - 13, 1999

  • Retired on Saturday, November 20, 1999

    Remembering Diana - Lessons learned from the worst tragedy in human history.

  • Retired on Tuesday, November 16, 1999

    Tech News & Tips - Mike McCormick discusses whether it's the right time to upgrade to Windows 95.

    Hey Computer Geeks! - Take divisiontwo's binary challenge!

  • Retired on Wednesday, November 10, 1999

    Outsider's Report - The "big picture" on Capitol Hill, from a political outsider's point of view.

  • Retired on Sunday, November 7, 1999

    White Glove Inspection - Is your home safe for your children?

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - October 31 - November 6.

  • Retired on Saturday, November 6, 1999

    Spirit of Christ Church Community Calendar - October, 1999

    ON TV - UPN Network boasts its first viewer ever. Will another follow?

  • Retired on Thursday, November 4, 1999

    Hot Off The Press - October 19, 1999: Unauthorized autobiography of Mother Theresa released; Hurricane Irene pounds North Carolina coast, smokes cigarette when finished; The fight to place warning labels on genetically engineered foods heats up.

    A Guy's View - Brad J. gives a guy's view on homosexuality.

  • Retired on Wednesday, November 3, 1999

    Ask Armelda - Armelda answers teens' toughest questions for the month of October.

    Meet Mary Claire - What the fuck?!?

  • Retired on Tuesday, November 2, 1999

    SXE The Straight Edge Monthly - Raven writes about life on the Straight Edge of Salt Lake City.

  • Retired on Monday, November 1, 1999

    Career & Family - Chastity Lillicreme writes about her changing role as a mother.

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - October 24 - 30

  • Retired on Sunday, October 31, 1999

    The Man-to-English Dictionary - If a man says anything sweet or romantic to you, chances are it's his dick talking.

  • Retired on Saturday, October 30, 1999

    Multicultural Living - Make that new Black family feel right at home on your block.

  • Retired on Thursday, October 28, 1999

    Thoughts and Reflections - Now that I'm older...

  • Retired on Tuesday, October 26, 1999

    On Sports - September 23, 1999. divisiontwo's homoerotic sports page.

  • Retired on Monday, October 25, 1999

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - October 17 - 23, 1999

    Anne` Explains it All - Responding; Warning; Explaining.

  • Retired on Sunday, October 24, 1999

    ONTV - What's worth watching with the family this season?

    Gay News - How to spot them, how to protect yourself.

  • Retired on Thursday, October 21, 1999

    Ask the OB/GYN - Crab Lice.

    divisiontwo Public Service Print Ad of the Week!

  • Retired on Wednesday, October 20, 1999

    Teen Scream! - Kelly shows off her page dedicated to hottie Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell!

  • Retired on Tuesday, October 19, 1999

    Hot Off The Press - October 6, 1999: Free Mumia! movement gains strength; Re-routing of Minnesota Highway 55 causes controversy in Native American Community™; Gap announces creepier ad campaign.

  • Retired on Monday, October 18, 1999

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - October 3 - 9, 1999

    Around the House - Ten bulletproof reasons NOT to give to charity.

  • Retired on Friday, October 15, 1999

    Anne` Explains it All - Anne` Ferguson gives you all the frightening facts about atheism.

    I was mortified! - Readers' most embarrassing moments.

  • Retired on Thursday, October 14, 1999

    MacSide - The new G4 PowerMac: OR-FUCKIN-GASMIC!!!

    JoJo's Celebrity Gossip - Is Shelly Long dead? Is Dan Rather a pervert? Will Smith for President?

  • Retired on Monday, October 11, 1999

    Linux Beat - Alternative OS may be cure for cancer.

  • Retired on Sunday, October 10, 1999

    Ask Armelda - Teen advice Q&A for September, 1999.

  • Retired on Thursday, October 7, 1999

    Being a Dad - Creative ways to spank an uncooperative child.

    divisiontwo Public Service Print Ad of the Week!

  • Retired on Wednesday, October 6, 1999

    Spirit of Christ Church Community Calendar - September

    Hot off the Press: September 28, 1999: Ground-breaking television to air on Fox; Scandal rocks the herbal supplement industry; Michigan man sentenced to hanging for swearing in front of women.

  • Retired on Monday, October 4, 1999

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - September 26 - October 2, 1999

    Anne` Explains it All - Anne` Ferguson tackles a mystery that has perplexed scientists since the beginning of time: Gravity.

  • Retired on Friday, October 1, 1999

    Everybody in Vests - What's hot and what's not for the back to school season.

  • Retired on Thursday, September 30, 1999

    Career & Family - Chastity Lillicreme bucks the feminist hardline and claims that there are some jobs women simply shouldn't do.

  • Retired on Tuesday, September 28, 1999

    Hot off the Press - September 19, 1999: JFK Junior named Man of the Century; Students share their views on returning to Columbine; Experts warn that scented candles may be dangerous.

  • Retired on Monday, September 27, 1999

    Madam Zanahoria's Weekly Horoscopes - September 19 - 25, 1999

  • Retired on Sunday, September 26, 1999

    divisiontwo Public Service Print Ad of the Week! (September 19-25, 1999)

    Bizz Buzz by Ted McOwens - Computer stocks, checking accounts, credit card debts, Tifandi the slave girl.

    divisiontwo main page

Notice: this site (Division Two magazine) was restored from its original location by Shlomi Fish, as he found it amusing. He hosts it on his domain and maintains information about it on his home site. Shlomi Fish is not responsible for its contents of divisiontwo.shlomifish.org.